(In Rod Serling’s voice) Imagine if you will, 6am, still dark outside, the house is quiet, and you’re looking for something non-electronic to amuse you.
It’s not your house and the only magazines you can find are a National Geographic and Esquire. I knew Esquire was going to be loaded with ads for things I could never afford but since I’ve never cracked the cover of an issue, now was as good a time as any.
And I was right. I had to turn 16 pages before getting to this issues Table of Contents.
A couple pages later an article caught my attention. Written by a gentleman who had apparently been in regular therapy for over twenty years, how it helped him talking to someone he could trust, and what happened in his life that lead him to therapy.
Naturally, as I can imagine in ninety-nine percent of therapy patients, it is your family, or a member thereof, that led you to this point in your life.
What the hell…I decided to read it since there was nothing else for me to do at this hour of the morning without making noise.
Although the writers childhood issues were different than mine, his feelings about them were the same.
As I continued to read his story, how he felt about situations, or better yet how different instances made him feel, I saw parallels in our lives. I almost felt vindicated because I finally have a found someone who shared my feelings.
As he shared different situations in his life, how he was affected, and how his long-time therapist helped him through these bumps in the road, I couldn’t get over our connection.
Have you ever shared something that was troubling you with someone only to have them reply, “You shouldn’t feel that way?” No, you shouldn’t feel that way, you don’t want to feel that way, but yet here we are…and that’s how I feel.
I was in weekly therapy over thirty years ago. For several weeks I focused on one issue and one day the therapist asked me what it would take to resolve this situation. I told her I wanted an apology from an individual. She asked if there was a chance I would that that apology. No. Very nicely she said, “Then let it go.”
Those four little words instantly lifted a heavy weight. I felt light and free. I wonder if someone else would have said those same words would have had the same impact. I don’t know.
Since that time I’ve tried avoiding telling someone what they should and shouldn’t feel but instead, through a short Q&A session, find out why they feel that way. A better understanding of where they’re coming from instead of telling them how they should feel.
That’s what a friend does…
Back to Basics 