They had it all. High-profile jobs. 401k’s that were busting at the seams. A beautiful home worth north of one million dollars. Two beautiful children. Worldwide travel. Tons of friends. Nice cars. Designer clothes, shoes, luggage, and handbags. A Nanny. A gardener. A housekeeper. A pool boy.
You can have the world by the tail but when mental illness rears its ugly head, all the money in the world can’t fix it.
The victim here is my beloved daughter-in-law.
My son and his family live out of state. I noticed something was ‘off’ about four months ago during one of our phone calls.
‘Off’ is our new go-to word to describe her when it’s not a good day. As things progressed, my son and his wife sought professional help. She was diagnosed as bipolar. This diagnosis came after a very manic week which landed her, under The Baker Act, in a facility where she was formally diagnosed.
If you’re unfamiliar with The Baker Act, look it up. I don’t know everything about it but what I have learned in the last three to four months is that the individual with mental illness has all the rights while the rest of us sit back and watch our world crumble.
Under The Baker Act the individual is locked up at a treatment facility for up to 72 hours and at that time they can simply sign themselves out and go home.
She came home from the first treatment center after four days. I was there when she came home because I flew there to help fill in taking care of the kids and keeping the household running.
When she walked in the door after four days, I saw the anxiety, the wild eyes, and her going room to room to retake control of her home.
She continued with her meds and therapy for about a week and then decided to go off of the meds. That is not uncommon. Nothing she did or said made sense but to her it made sense. It was the rest of us that were crazy.
Less than 2 weeks later she was Baker Acted again after a violent outburst and attack on a family member. This time she went to a different treatment center and stayed about four to five days. On new meds that appeared to be working much better for her, her arrival home looked good. The goal while in the second treatment center was to get her to acknowledge there was a problem and to voluntarily go into a 30-day treatment center.
All hands on deck, the family was scouring the Internet for just the right facility, recommendations from therapists were investigated, and the entire time all of this searching was taking place, my DIL was involved in the process. The thought process here was that if she was involved in choosing the right place, she would voluntarily stay for the 30-day treatment plan.
On a daily basis while in treatment center #2, she was given brochures and information on each facility.
After two or three days a facility was chosen that everybody liked. Hell, I loved it and wanted to go there myself. It was a spa-type treatment center with individual and group therapy, an equine center to work with horses, beach days to decompress, yoga, a chef who provided made-to-order meals, readily available snacks and soft drinks, etc.
This all comes with a hefty price tag and luckily my son has insurance that covered about 90% of the cost. Perfect.
I talked to her family members and my son for updates on her progress and she seemed excited to be there, liked all the offerings, re-found her spiritual side, loved the food, started journaling, loved individual and group therapy, and everything else they had to offer.
Again, the person with the mental illness has all the rights and can check themselves out at any time. After eleven days of a 30-day program, she came home. She felt she had learned a lot, knew the triggers of a relapse, knew she had to have one or two therapy sessions a week, and stay on her meds.
Within 3 days of being home she started to crash again. She’s using weed and alcohol to ‘decompress’. Both of those work against the meds she’s on.
Now she’s picked up a new hobby…pyromania. She can’t be left alone, she’s starting random fires, the kids are more then affected by all if this for the last 4 months, I’ve gone to help out three times in the last 8 weeks, and everybody’s hands are tied.
She’s discontinued therapy but claims that she keeps calling for appointments but nobody calls her back. We don’t know if she’s still on her meds. You’re probably asking why I can’t find this out from my son. He’s been severely affected by this and has withdrawn from outside contact with myself, his brother, his friends, etc. I talk to the Nanny several times a week to get updates as well as two of her sisters.
Living as far away as I do, it’s had an impact on my attitude, my sleeping, my eating, my focus, and God only knows what else. There’s nothing I can do. I continue to text my son with offers of anything and everything. He’s not taking calls. He’s trying to hold it together for the sake of the kids, his job, etc.
If someone with mental illness cannot be left alone, cannot be trusted, cannot follow doctors orders of staying on meds with no weed or alcohol, and not continuing with therapy, there’s not much anyone can do or say.
Right or wrong, for the sake of my son and grandchildren, I texted my son yesterday and told him to seek legal counsel and pull the plug on this marriage and get full custody of the kids. My DILs family supports him 100%.
Until you’ve walked a mile in our shoes, don’t judge me. This was a difficult story to tell.
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